Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Cash-Out-Curse Proven To Be True

For many years the existence of a Poker ‘Cash-Out-Curse’ at online poker sites has been circulating in the forums. Melted Felt can today exclusively reveal that the rumors and speculation were true all along - with our flimsy dossier of damning evidence!

The idea of the cash out curse is that a poker player wins a bunch of money, cashes out of a poker site… and then *boom* never wins a pot again (well, ok, suffers some losses and a couple of bad beats).

Conventional wisdom from experienced players says that there is no such thing as a cash-out-curse, that actually the little spotty f*ck who won the money in the f*cking first place was a complete donkey a$$hole who just got f*cking d%mb lucky – now his mfk-ing luck evens out and the little s*it loses it back again and starts crying like the little f*cking girl he always f*cking was (erm, or something similar to that anyway)

Well, Mr Know-it-all, Melted Felt would like to disagree. Here is our widely acclaimed dossier of (rather weak) evidence:

PJ from Altanta, Deposited his first $100 into Poker Stars on February 3rd 2008. Over the next 3 months he gradually built this up to $326 before cashing out $250 in early May. Since then he has lost 25 out of 56 coin flips, 15 out of 24 of his 65% / 35% shots and his moms cat was run over by a while crossing the road to shit under his favorite bush* - and had to be put down!

* Just to clarify this was the favorite bush of the now deceased cat, Melted Felt is in no way implying that PJ from Altanta has (or has ever had) a 'favorite bush'.

JH from the UK, deposited $50 on Full Tilt a total of 27 times before finally winning 3 SNGs all in the same evening and jubilantly pressing the cash-out button for $96. Over the next 2 weeks he had aces cracked no less than 13 times (and actually raised with them pre-flop twice), furthermore the girl he had been chasing since joining college decided to go out with some soccer-playing a**hole because “poker players just spend all their time staring at PC screens are really boring” – a curse indeed. JH may have no money and no friends and be 3 months behind on his college work – but some guys on an internet poker forum think he is quite cool and are now acually encouraging him to give up college and ‘go pro’... go for it JH, you'll win far more if you move up levels to where people respect your raises!!!

BA from Las Vegas, was happy and relieved to cash out for the very first time from Ultimate Bet after telling his friends he was a successful poker-pro for more than two years (but actually working as a pizza delivery boy on the quiet). Within 6 hours some dour policemen arrived at his door and asked to come in, going on to tell him that his entire family, several close personal friends and his future wife had been wiped out in a freak farm-machinery accident while visiting ‘Fluff’s Petting Zoo’ on the outskirts of Chicago to celebrate his future wife’s victory in a regional hot-dog speed eating contest. [Of course its f&ing true - ED]

So, poker sites – we present our damning evidence against you, feel free to mail us at to defend your now shattered reputations.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this is really funny and witty


good article 2 thumbs up

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