Full Tilt Wire Transfer Issues Solved, By Their Cuz

Melted Felt is happy to be able to bring some exclusive news to those players waiting weeks for a wire transfer from Full Tilt Poker - the issues have been temporarily resolved with the help of Bill, Full Tilt Poker's cousin.

After a seemingly endless string of finger pointing, lame exuses and squeeky voiced CS reps confidently saying 'It will be with you tomorrow, honest' the truth of the matter has finally emerged.

It turned out that Full Tilt owed the money to its cousin Bill (pictured) and have now transferred your money to Bill too... effectively meaning that the money is 'in safekeeping' and you'll have to go and ask Bill nicely for it, and if there is one thing that Bill hates in this world more than spotty college kids who play online gambling games it is spotty college kids who play online gambling games who ask him for money.... hmmmm.

We asked Full Tilt why they passed everyones money to their cousin - a spokesman was replied that "It clearly states in the Terms and Conditions signed by all players who join that we can change the terms and conditions whenever the f*ck we like" adding "we added clause 12.B.ii.a just the other day, stating that any money owed can be passed to our cousin for safekeeping" and "he'll be out of prison in only 3 months and will sort everyones money out then".

Asked whether they planned to offer any payout options which did not involve their cousin, Full Tilt replied that they were looking closely into wrapping your deposits in slightly off bacon and tossing it to a pack of stray dogs.

MF