Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Ultimate Bet Cheating Scandal – Exclusive

Always one step ahead of the competition, Melted Felt yesterday gained exclusive access to a spokesman from Ultimate Bet. Some serious allegations have been made against this well-past-sell-by-date poker site concerning a ‘superuser’ (someone able to see opponent’s hole-cards, rather than an online poker player with their underwear on top of their trousers and a big ‘S’ on their t-shirt).

When asked to clarify UB’s position and current activity on these allegations the spokesman responded by putting his hands over each ear and shouting loudly, “La la la la la lalalala, can’t heeeeeear you!!”. When questioned more specifically about NoiNoi, the main account name involved the spokesman added, “Pffff blub blub blub – are you trying to say something??”

We then challenged Ultimate Bet to disclose their relationship with the Kanawake Gaming Commission and the integrity of their security screening system. At this point our insider produced a color photograph of a puppy. Repeating, “Nice puppy, nice fluffy puppy” and “woofety woof woof woof” over and over may not have left us any the wiser on the ‘superuser scandal’ – it did, however, make a refreshing change from the Absolute Poker alternative of completely denying that poker is even played on their site….

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