Friday, 20 June 2008

Absolute Poker Announce New Head Of Security


In a daring effort to regain the trust of the online poker community after the PR disaster that was the 'PotRipper' scandal - Absolute Poker today unveiled Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe as their new head of security, Melted Felt can exclusively reveal.

Favorite to win the post ever since AP found out that Pol Pot was dead, Mugabe has revealed that he is keen to bring his own brand of 'security' to the beleagured poker site to compliment the processes already in place.

These are said to include:

- A special collusion deterent force of (drunk) machete-wielding 'war veterans' who will be dispatched to your house if you get caught chip-dumping.
- A new scheme in which the high-rollers will have part of their bankrolls 're-distributed' to the fish for the greater good of the player community.
- Special 'Zimbabwe Blind Schedules' for MTTs in which the blinds have inflation of over 1000%
- A task force who will burn players who object to any of these changes alive in their own homes

'While Robert's security enhancements seem far-ranging, we are sure that they will bring much needed trust to our completely bent software' a spokesman said yesterday, a second spokesman then completely denied that Robert Mugabe had ever played at AP while a 3rd spokesman squarely blamed the previous owners...

MF

1 comment:

Pud's Poker said...

LMFAO! Pure gold mate! Keep them coming, the posts are the highlight of my day!

 
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