Sunday, 29 June 2008

Iran Introduces Hanging For Slowrollers

In an attempt to regain some respect in the international community Iran yesterday began cleaning up its online poker playing community by hanging 'slowrollers'.

Firooz, pictured left (known online as BigShark1234) made a royal flush on the river in a 2c / 4c fixed limit holdem game and was found guilty of waiting until his opponent capped the river before typing 'hmmmm, think I might fold' into the chat box and then calling.

Shaheen, about to be strung up on the right (online moniker - Funky99Aces) was found guilty of the lesser crime of pre-flop slowrolling, using up his timebank in the 50 / 100 blind level of a $5 SNG before calling his opponents all in while holding Ace-Ace.

As the crane lifted them, and the weight of the slowrollers bodies caused them to painfully die, we asked the Iranian commissioner for online poker what message he was trying to send in this unprededented - yet very welcome - execution?

"The funds confiscated are to be used for entirely peaceful purposes such as building large nuclear weapons for internal civilian use only" Sheik InSte-v-En's said, adding "well there was nothing much on the telly, and hangings are a cost-effective way of entertaining a lot of people".

Asked on the future of online poker in Iran the Sheik denied that Iran had any capability to play such a game and delared that any poker played was for play money only, adding that Iran had every right to play $50 / $100 pot-limit-omaha regardless of what the American dogs did - and that the inclusion of baby-pictures as pokerstars icons was now just cause for Fatwa.


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