Sunday, 20 July 2008

Exclusive: CERN's 'Large Hadron Collider' To Unravel Mysteries Of Intellipoker

As The 'Large Hadron Collider' enters the final stages of testing before becoming the worlds largest particle-accelerator, its mission has been sensationally switched - Melted Felt can exclusively reveal.

Based in CERN, Switzerland - the collider was due to accelerate protons to nearly the speed of light while physists shouted "weeeeeeeeee", the idea being to smash the pesky particles together creating smaller particles called quarks - or if the world runs-bad that day, mini-black holes.

However, just as the final stages of cooling were underway the mission of the whole establishment has been switched to unravelling the mysteries of Intellipoker players in Poker Stars.

As soon as the magnets reach 1.9 degrees Kelvin (the point at which even vodka freezes) two Intellipoker players will be accelerated to almost the speed of light and then smashed together. The specific hypothesis that boffins are trying to test is for the existance of one of the rarest sub-atomic particles of all... thought to be one of the building blocks of the early universe the "CallingStat Ion" should be seen (briefly) popping out of the mush of the collided players.

MF

More On Intellipoker:

- Shock As Intellipoker Player Folds Before River

2 comments:

JTankers said...

Do you know what you get when you mix high energy colliders with Professor Dr. Otto Rossler's charged micro black hole theory?

Answer: A golf ball

Mark said...

Wow J... that joke is so f-cking far over my head.

Thanks for stopping by though and GL with not seeing the entire world disappear in an unfortunate singularity event - would make yesterdays rivered 2-outer seem less important I suppose...

MF

 
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