Saturday, 12 July 2008

PokerStars Introduce Nazi Chat Button


In an effort to make online poker as friendly and loving as a f-ing hippy commune (though not as smelly), PokerStars have introduced the 'chat nazi' button - right underneath the dealer tray

This button will summon a moderator to your table the next time you are feeling bad about bubbling a tournament to a 2-out suckout. The moderator will then laugh with joy as they vigorously rub salt into your wounds by giving you a 3-month chat ban.

Being PokerStars, they have actually taken the nazi-chat button concept one step further and are asking all of their players to report the following:

ALL CAPS: Anyone found chatting in Caps only will be immediately relegated to the play-money tables, on account of the fact that they are 12 years old.

'Nice Call Pre-Flop': Use of this phrase is not only banned, it will result in an automated note being placed next to your icon in red flashing letters saying 'Can't Play Post-Flop!!'

JokerStars': When that river-card beats you, it is important to resist the urge to imply that the site is rigged... not only does it annoy them, the new 'chat-nazi' system means that they'll round up your entire family, good / close friends and favorite pets and whisk you off to the gas chambers at Auschwitz

The 'Chat-Nazi' button is in beta-mode at the moment, if this is deemed to be a success there are several more buttons to look out for... the 'My-Dad-Is-Bigger-Than-Your-Dad' button is proving difficult to code, however the 'Explode-A-Whiner' is coming along nicely and the much needed 'Auto-challenge-someone-you-disagree with-to-50-100-NL-Heads-Up' button is almost ready for implementation.

MF

21 comments:

Rick Davis IV said...

I just got banned yesterday for telling someone to eat my anus. They tell me i'll get to chat again in a month, but I think i'll just go say anus a lot at Full Tilt.

Mark said...

Nice one Rick!

Better a ban than actually having someone eat your anus me thinks.

Anybody banned for better???!? Let us know!

Cheers, MF

Pud's Poker said...

No matter what I do they just won't ban me! I even set out a few months back with the sole aim to be banned bt nobody will report me :(

Anonymous said...

To: Rick Davis iv
Full tilt welcomes everyone with an anal fixation.
To: Mark
I would tend to agree but I have never been there.
To: Pud's Poker
You're not trying hard enough. Next time run your filthy piehole and call the moderator on yourself.
Signed, A Chat Moderator

MF said...

Well Chat Mod, thanks. Thats baffled us here at MF even more than the golf-ball joke in the collider story (and thats quite a lot!)

Cheers!

MF

Anonymous said...

Coming from another Chat Moderator - you found it necessary to compare our Mod program to the Holocauste and the killing of 10,000,000 people. Now that is a real shame. We are trying to make our site friendly. Not exterminate a whole race of people. Perhaps you could find it in yourself to think before you type. I was discusted by your comments and as a chat moderator that takes an awful lot.

Melted Felt said...

Ohhhh,

Here is an idea - maybe you could form a 'Chat Moderators Support Network', you could not only support each other with day-to-day chat moderation type concerns, but talk through major historical atrocities too

Our personal thought is that the Holocaust may be a litte bit 'tough' for your first support group meeting. Why not start with something smaller like the sinking of the Spanish Armada? or the 'Hand Of God' incident from the world cup semi in whatever year it was now... or something.

Love and Hugs, MF

Anonymous said...

You all are such babies. You get your little childish heart broken, becuase you lose chat and attempt to put down PS moderators. When you all got a moderator here that has to approve all comments. I hope I didn't SPAM because you check ALL comments. waaa waaa waaa, such babies on here.

Mark said...

hehe. this comment thread is turning into a classic!

FYI, two points -

#1 - The MF team have not only never had their chat banned, they do not care about 'chatting' one way or the other - except when it becomes vitally important poker news.

#2 - Every time we upset someone, I personally win a cake - yep, a whole f-cking cake (whooooo Haawwwowowowowow).

Anyway - keep on taking those anxiety pills - and thanks for making us all smile!

MF

Poker Alice said...

Wow....

No hugs for chat Mods from MF.
Thats ok though. :)
Just please remember that when visiting PokerStars to save your racial slurs and derogatory comments for another site. We try to ensure a pleasant gaming and chatting environment for all our international players.
To some, this may seem to infringe upon their freedoms. In this case I recommend Bodog or AP for some real integrity.

ty, Mod xx
Poker Alice.

Melted Felt said...

okkkkkk

Still cant quite believe how seriously you mods have taken this one, thats another cake won.

Giving us an idea for a future post though.... a 'pokerstars chat mod application form' with q's like:

- Does your english comprehension skill allow you to differentiate between conceptual and personal ideological attacks? (well, obv not from the mod comments!)

Might stop publishing Mod comments now - since they come across as kind of whiney... lets be clear though, however 'great' you feel your service is MF see you as on a level with those people providing a 'great service' by keeping those McDonalds toilets clean (so, dont get any delusions of your status in life folks!).

Gonna enjoy this cake, MF

Melted Felt said...

Hey, Our sense of fun just came up from behind the fridge and made a suggestion... odisgruntled chat mod #2 has suggested we play elsewhere (we do not actually play very much at Stars anyway BTW!) and left identifying marks.

Maybe we should write to our affiliate managers + copy in CS (.cc is always good in e-mails, harder to just delete / ignore)and ask whether 'suggesting other sites on a website open to the public' is actually part of the job role.... we could run a series of posts on our sttempt to 'sack a mod' (if we can be bothered that is!)

Love, MF

Vonavie said...

I loved it. It made me laugh. It WAS a JOKE right. OK with a little truth to it. But I'm pretty sure none of actually believed the moderators were going to execute us or our families right?

Mark said...

Wow Vonavie - after all the mouthy Mods... this comment actually frightened me a little...

Mark

senator xxx said...

You all are amateurs,when it comes to bans. 'Eat my anus'? And; you didn't even defeat the censors...pitiful.

I've been banned a grand total of 6 times at P-Stars,thus far.

2 months x 1
1 month x 2
1week x 2

Happy chatting..;)

senator xxx

Anonymous said...

Another cake?
I'm guessing you weigh 3oo lbs and live in your mothers basement.

LP said...

The following chat was observed
not as much as your $1 gaybaycock
gl fag
f a g
queer
wat a ho mo G is

just me said...

hmmm,
i thought i was the most abusive chatter at stars, but i never got banned for longer than 24h?

i call people pigf...ers, offer them and their familly a skullf...k, hot cream in their fishy mouthhole...

never gotten more than 24h.

just wonder what you people do?!?!

Anonymous said...

fuck poker stars
they won't even let me call people niggers

Anonymous said...

Regards,

PokerStars Chat Moderation Team


The following chat was observed
lol .. fookerstar special
gd cards on this mo fo site

....

This is too funny! They didn't ban me this time but next time they will. What a fn joke they have become, Austin Powers is rated PG!!! What a bunch of fooking idiots! I must remember on Pokerstars you are playing with a bunch of 10 year old girls.

Graham said...

Mark,

This is def one of the best blog posts. I have been banned several times by stars chat police but whenever I try to call them they essentially tell me to screw off.

 
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