Sunday, 13 July 2008

Spectre Of Hellmuth Win Sees Entire World Pledge To Give Up Poker

With just 79 players left in the field of this years World Series Of Poker the uncomfortable possibility of Phil Hellmuth jr - 11 times bracelet winner - winning the main event is being discussed on chat and forums worldwide.

Hellmuth, known for his flappy neck and over-confident manner already has an ego the size of a medium-sized gas giant. Today Melted Felt can exclusively reveal that the prospect of a Hellmuth win in the 2008 WSOP would actually trigger the end of poker - forever.

Online sites, casinos and poker players (both pro and recreational) worldwide have signed a special pledge that would see the game stopped immediately should Hellmuth win. Any reference to the game would be destroyed and speaking about poker would become a firmly established social taboo.

Special booklets on dealing with Hellmuth's ego would be dispatched in 89 different languages and include detailed 'blank stare', 'pok-what?' and 'why don't you have a nice sit down' instructions. There would also be a section on how to snigger at the mention of the word 'bracelet' without escalating any potentially dangerous situation.

While for millions of players it would be a shame to give up the game they love, the alternative of listening to Hellmuth for another 5 years is just too much to handle. We at Melted Felt are already looking forward to the 2009 world series of Spades...


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