Thursday, 24 July 2008

UB / AP Merger - You Can Not Be Cereus!

Another MF exclusive - this time on the rather tired and dull subject of the twin rigged, mafia-run money-laundering fronts which also provide online poker for gullible children...

Ultimate Bet and Absolute Poker have been stealing money separately for years - and now they plan on merging onto a single network to create a single bigger and better theft machine.

Pooling together their players onto a network called 'The Cereus Poker Network' will commence soon. This will bring synergies undreamed of by players on either network individually including:

- You can play safe in the knowledge that the guy sat next to you has a better rakeback deal!

- Everyone can experience the bonus-whores at Absolute and go for 3 rounds of the table without seeing a single raise!

- Combining the player pools will make the Cereus Network the 67th largest with a grand total of 254 players online simultaneously at peak times!

- One or two of the supposedly guaranteed prize pools in the UB tournaments might actually get paid too!

- Both websites will be adorned with pictures of Phil Helmuth Jr's flappy neck... euchhh.

In a cheap press release the new company expressed a great enthusiasm for moving forward, admitting that many of the previous issues had been caused by honest staff, spokeswoman Annie Duck said. "Combining our customer services, payment and security teams will give the Cereus network an unprecedented opportunity to fire the honest staff members" continuing, "this means no more leaks, rumors or funny-business, we'll be able to steal money safe from any prying eyes".

And the name? Are they Cereus??

MF

- More From The UB Website Here (All You Bonus Whores can use bonus code SNGPLANET to claim the fattest 111% to $1100)

2 comments:

Greylocks said...

There's a potential positive to all this that people are missing. More about this on my blog.

Melted Felt said...

OK, GL with getting readers over to your blog Grey.

Here at MF we think change is a great thing and look forward to seeing how it all pans out - would be cool to see a genuine rival to the all-pervasive poker stars.

Man, with all that money Hellmuth really should have a quick 'nip and tuck' on that neck though.

Cheers, MF
Melted Felt

 
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