Thursday, 7 August 2008

10 Signs You Play Too Much Online Poker

Unsure whether you crossed the line between being a profitable recreational player and a degenerate? Well check out our 10 signs below, there is even a handy system to rate yourself at the end!

1) Your girlfriend / wife / boyfriend asks if you are coming to bed soon in that way which you know means they would like some good old fashioned lovin' ... and you say "sure, just one more round of blinds and I'll be there", only to find your significant other asleep three hours later.

2) Dashing to the kitchen during 5 minute breaks becomes so frequent that you can prepair the evening's healthy meal of chips, chocolate cookies and soda (or beer) in record time. You get really irritated with unscheduled need to use the bathroom and try to manage your tables so as not to 'waste any buttons'.

3) You have 7 different accounts at different sites and are familiar with 12 different deposit methods, but have only ever withdraw twice (ok, being generous with twice!).

4) Turning up late for work with bloodshot eyes and stubble is perfectly normal whenever you have a deep-run in the $3+ rebuys (beating 3115 others for $37.60c 156th place prize-money but missing that promotion which would have netted you $10k more per year....)

5) More than half of your internet explorer favorites 2+2 threads, poker blogs and strategy articles which looked interesting enough at the time - but you never got around to looking at again. Likewise with the shelf full of poker books that you skimmed and promised yourself you would study... one day.

6) You think that the UB / AP cheating scandals are morally reprehensible, yet the fact that millions of children in the 3rd world die of starvation and preventable disease each year while we waste tons of food is just 'one of those things'.

7) You look down on people who are not very good at poker and are completely oblivious to the fact that the rest of society looks down on you for being too into poker.

8) Acronmys replace both your speach and typed words, even when talking to those who have never played poker online. Your dreams are full of abstract card + chip images and vague references to online poker pros.

9) More than 75% of all the searches you have ever performed on Sharkscope / the poker DB etc have been for your own poker user-ids.

10) You strongly believe that you will be playing poker for many years to come and making a great deal of money - though statistics show that >80% of players lose money, and that even those who win are highly unlikely to still be playing in 2 years time.


How To Rate Your Scores:

If you answered 'yes' to questions 1,3,5, 6 and 9 give yourself 1 point each, if you answered 'no' to question 7 at the same time as answering 'yes' to question 9 then have 2 points... oh f9ck it, this is a poker blog, not Cosmo-fuc#ing-poli-tan... its 1 point for each 'yes'.


What Your Scores Mean:

Nil Points: No way you are a poker player, try the quiz again in 6 months after you have learned to be a little more interesting you clean living b*stard.

1-3 Points: Could do better, you are obviously on the road to becoming degenerate, keep up the good work

4-7 Points: Yep, a solid score from an online poker scumbag, bet you are already busy wondering how you'll win that WSOP 09 seat,

8+ Points: Now we are talking the dregs, you are destined for great things, give up college / work immediately and become an online pro... sitting alone in the dark for days on end clicking a mouse is your destiny baby, your f9cking destiny



Anonymous said...

Spot on. I got a perfect score!

gadzooks64 said...

Woooooooooot! Score!

Er, I mean, oh shit, I scored.

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