Sunday, 10 August 2008

Exclusive Proof That Joe Sebok Is 100% Not Gay

Following speculation throughout the poker world - culmulating in supposed evidence being discussed at length over on 2+2 - Melted Felt can today bring you exclusive proof that ineffective poker pro Joe Sebok is in fact 100% un-gay.

Sebok, whose manner makes Daniel Negreanu seem decidedly butch, apparently skips rather than walks between tables due to a childhood knee injury - more proof (as if you needed it) of non-gayness.

Speculating on a blog post in which Sebok was reported to be 'mesmerised' by a semi-naked man is easily explained, not by gayness, but by Sebok's interest in anatomy. There is nothing more fascinating to this young poker-pro than the cut of different muscles and the great interlinked form of the human body. In fact instead of looking at a pert ass on a man for sexual reasons, proof of Sebok's hetero ways comes from the fact that he is merely admiring the transition between the Glutes and the Hamstrings... exactly the same reason that Joe has pictures of scantily clad well oiled men on his apartment wall.

We tried to contact Joe for even more proof that he was not gay, however apparently he did not hear the phone ringing as the 'Best of the Village People' was playing a little too loud.

Instead we sent our reporters to investigate Joes completely straight past, after 1000's of hours of meticulous digging, the MF dogs finally spoke to Helen, Sebok's first girlfriend "He was all man" said Helen, referring to their 6-week relationship at the age of 13 "he treated me like a real lady throughout our relationship," countining "though I never could work out why he liked to wear my underwear so often, come to think of it he seemed pretty mesmerised by my brother too - though apparently that was due to his interest in life-drawing".

Well, there you have it, MF laugh in the faces of anyone calling Sebok gay - the evidence is overwhelming that is is not, after all there are simply loads of uses for the 12 empty tubes of KY Jelly we found in Sebok's trash yesterday.


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