Monday, 25 August 2008

Hoyt Corkins House Robbed - But Whodunnit??

Some Poker News hot off of the press today as we reveal that the poker world's raving loony Hoyt Corkins' Las Vegas house has been robbed. Unfortunately many valuable possessions were taken including 2 WSOP bracelets, a Harley Davison motorbike and Hoyt's invisible alien 'best friend' Zog.

As good fortune would have it Melted Felt have seen several episodes of Kojack and were able to leap to the assistance of the Las Vegas police by going through a list of the usual poker suspects... one-by-one we examined their alibis to drill down to the most likely perpetrators:

Suspect #1 - Daniel Negreanu

Our first suspect has a cast-iron alibi, having been seen at the 'Paws For Beauty' dog grooming salon with his dog Mushu all day - having the de-flea pamper shampoo, fluff-up blow-dry and pink ribbons 'Sunday Special'. Witnesses testified that Mushu the dog may also have received some treatments - effectively ruling Negreanu out.

Suspect #2 - Phil Helmuth Jr

Measurements of Corkins' doors quickly reveal that there was absolutely no chance that Helmuth's ego would have fit through... ruling out the flappy-necked record holding poker pro completely.

Suspect #3 - Chris 'Jesus' Ferguson

Line-dancing, carrot-slicing, game-theorist Ferguson is an imposing figure. When questioned about the robbery he pointed out that there was a mere 0,003619% chance he was in the area and a 0.009154% that he had a criminal intent. Combined with a holding of 88+ AQs+ this meant that it was statistically not possible that Ferguson was involved with only a 1% chance he was bluffing.

Suspect #4 - Mike ' The Mouth' Mattusow

Ahhah. With a past criminal record (with reduced jail time for grassing up his best mates) Mattusow could well be our man. His alibi - that he was trying to retrieve yet another laptop from the bottom of his swimming pool after losing a big pot online - seems a little shaky to us. Though it was confirmed by his cleaner, she could not recall which day and which particular laptop were were talking about.

Suspect #5 - Hoyt Corkins

Elimentary my dear Watsons, Mr Corkins is actually quoted as admitting to memory loss during his frequent 'manic' phases. With behaviors such as bidding $31k for a domain, ripping off 1000's of poker players by closing down poker-spot and generally babbling non-sensical sh1te. We recommend that the Las Vegas police check out Hoyt's alibi immediately, was he at home all day?

MF

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4 comments:

Randy said...

LOL, I love this site man.. This is Ridge from PAP. Keep it up man, funny stuff..


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Mark said...

Hey Randy,

Cheers for the feedback!

More than happy to add you to the blogroll... go visit Randy's blog folks!

Cheers, Mark

Memphis MOJO said...

The only poker site that is LOL funny!! You brighten my day with this stuff. You have a sick, um, you have a creative mind!! Yes, that's it.

I have you linked on my site (Just Sayin') at:

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Mark said...

Hey Thanks Mojo.

Must tell the better half about this quick..." You see that dear... 'creative', now doesn't that sound completely different to 'twisted'??"

Cheers, Mark

 
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