Thursday, 7 August 2008

Olympics Drug Scandal As Member Of US Poker Team Tests Negative For All Banned Substances

In yet another exclusive that will shock the poker world, Melted Felt today bring you the story of Bob Richards, 22, of Maine - who has sensationally been sent home from Bejing on the eve of the Olympic Poker event after testing negative for all banned substances.

Bob, a junior buyer for a meduim sized printing company, was selected from 1000's of olympic hopefulls when his A-6 off hit 2-pair on the river against a pair of Kings in a qualifier. His trip to Bejing was cut short when his team-mates noticed suspect behaviour and reported him to the smiley Chinese bloke who took blood samples.

When the results came back the olympic drug test scandal revealed the following shocking results:

Weed: Negative
Alcohol: Negative
Cocaine: None
E's: Zip
Red-Bull: Nada
Uppers: Bugger-All
Downers: Nope
Acid? H? Barbs? Shrooms? F-CK... ANYTHING??? Nay, Nay and thrice Nay.

Bob was immediately sent to sit before a panel of failed politicians to answer some questions. Over the next 20 minutes it turned out that he was in fact boring as f-ck and had never drunk as much as a coffee in his whole goddam life. Even the rather weak defense that Barry Greenstein also did not drink or smoke was thrown out after the chairman of the panel accepted the prosecution's counter that Greenstein was, in fact, a wierdy-beardy.

Bob was thus sent on his merry way home, a spokesman saying that the 'Team USA' poker challenge was not unduly affected and they still hoped to take gold from Germanies Intellipoker contingent...

Stay tuned to Melted Felt for plently more Olympic Drug Scandals with loose poker-themes!


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