Friday, 1 August 2008

Republicans Finally Realise UIGEA Is A Shambles

In (yet another) Melted Felt exclusive we sensationally bring you a copy of the actual letter sent to secretary Paulson by 4 bible-bashing, war-mongering, execution-supporting conservative-as-they-come republicans concerning the unenforcability of the UIGEA...

Due to a couple of difficult words it took Judy Biggert, Jim Gerlach, Christopher Shays and Kevin McCarthy a while to get the letter together - and here it is verbatim.

Dear Secretary Paulson and Chairman Bernanke,

We are writing to request that you bring clarity to the proposed regulations to implement the UIGEA which we signed without ever understanding and continue to support even though we are not quite sure what it means.

As proposed, these regulations are completely unenforcable since nobody bothered to define which particular gambling low life are breaking the law and which are not. We believe that implementing such vauge law and regulations might cost the banks money, and therefore reduce much needed donations to our electoral campaigns, family holidays and other lucrative - if underhand - perks of the job.

Therefore, we urge the Board and Treasury to, before finalizing UIGEA regulations, to tell us what the f-ck it actually means. We particularly would like to know whether Poker is considered a skill game or not - while we understand that 90% of online poker players claim this to be a totally skill-based game, we are therefore somewhat baffled as to how 85% of them actually lose money playing it.

Thank you for your consideration of our request. We look forward to your response. If there are any other bills which we do not understand that you need signing in the meantime we'll be happy to do so - god bless democracy and all that sh-te.


Judy Biggert

Jim Gerlach
Christopher Shays
Kevin McCarthy


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