Friday, 19 September 2008

Mike Matusow Loses WCOOP Braclet To Granny

This MF exclusive was brought to you by our regular correspondant Simon - feel free to send us yours:

Mike 'The Mouth' Matusow missed out on another WSOP bracelet recently in WCOOP event 192 - $5000 'SNAP'.

In a dramatic final table, 'The Mouth' lost to Gladys Lynne, and 84-year-old widower from Eastbourne in Surrey, UK. 'The Mouth' vented his frustration on his latest low quality advice video on Pokertube: 'I must be the unluckiest guy in the world. EVERY SINGLE TIME I get close to winning a bracelet some donk lucks out and beats me. I mean - WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE - they don't deserve to play poker. WHAT THE HELL is going on ONLINE POKER IS RIGGED. Oh my god if I won even a quarter of the pots I should be winning I'd own my own country by now....'

Melted Felt spoke to Mrs Lynne:

'Well my grandaughter set up this 'Interweb' thingy so I can play bingo with my friends, but I pressed the wrong button and ended up playing cards. Now we used to play 'snap' under Lambeth tube station during the blitz as a child so I am pretty good at it. When I saw two Jacks come up I hit the 'snap' button and I won!'

When asked on what she would do with the $240,000 first prize she repplied,' Well it seems an awfull lots of money, but then everything is so expensive nowadays. I've never quite understood new pounds anyway. I remember when a whisky and soda only cost 2 shillings... I would quite like to buy a beach hut on camber sands though - I could drink tea and do the knitting. In fact you're a nice young man, would you like to come and keep me company....?'

This reporter declined the invitation and managed to get a few further words from Mike 'The Mouth':'Well I was running really well and berating all the donks as usual. I got to the final against some chick I'd never played before when I heard the doorbell ring. Now I thought it was the Krispy Creme Guy, sorry I mean charity collectors from the orphanage, so turned my head and before I knew there goes another bracelet. I AM SO UNLUCKY. INTERNET DONKS......'

Congratulations to Gladys from MF!!


joxum said...

Is this the granny we're talking about?

bretlonder said...

I'd feel worse for the Mouth if he didn't already feel so bad for himself. He really does get deep in tournaments and then takes one right in the soft bits quite often. I know he's not the only one out there, but he's one I've never seen hit lucky when it counted. It's a shame he can't get over being such a baby because I think it would make him unstoppable.

Great site by the way. Very entertaining.


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