Wednesday, 8 October 2008

Election Special #1 - Palin Softens Stance On Online Poker

In the first of several election specials in the run up to the 08 election - Melted Felt are happy to bring you exclusive news that Alaskan Sarah Palin has softened her stance when it comes to online poker in a last ditch attempt to woo voters.

Palin, who famously uses politics as an outlet for her bitterness and anger at never having achieved an orgasm, has always been a hardliner when it comes to playing poker online.

Previously Sarah advocated public flogging, the amputation of hands and ultimately castration - for 1st, 2nd and 3rd offence respectively - with random punishment for close family members for players who thought a-7 off was a good hand to play UTG at a full table.

After consultation with McCain the collective republican stance has softened in a bid to woo the 20-odd percent of potential voters who manage to get off of their fat asses on election day to mark their ballot paper. Melted Felt's insider can reveal the proposed schedule of punishments ahead of the presidential PLO heads-up showdown later this week:

1) Punishment for 1st offence or mild crimes like those who accuse players pushing all-in with 7 BB stacks of playing 'bingo'. 30 Hours community service picking litter wearing a bright pink junp-suit with 'Degen' stamped on the back.

2) 2nd offence or medium poker crimes like constantly limping behind with aces and then whining when they get outdrawn. A years attendance at Gamblers Anonymous followed by a purification ceremony at the local happy-lappy church.

3) 3rd Offence, or severe poker crimes like complaining that the fish are impossible to beat so you'll move up levels to where people respect your raises. Life imprisonment without parole... after all do we really need these whiners in society??

Palin certainly gets our vote - shame about those orgasms though.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Awww, Don't hate of Sarah!! She's a hot MILF soon to be GILF :)I'd hit it! AMIRITE???

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