Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Exclusive: KGC Ground Hamilton

In an exclusive report, Melted Felt can bring you news that we now know something that was completely obvious for a long time - officially!

Yes, Russ Hamilton - famous for cheating on UB, actually cheated on UB... at least according to the mafia, erm, oops, we mean Kahnawake Drug Dealing Corporation, no, hang on Gaming - that was it - g-a-m-i-n-g.


In an unprecidented public handout of punishment from an organisation who like to dish out their 'punishments' in very private circumstances the KGC have handed down the following severe punishment for Russ;

- He is to be grounded for 2 weeks and will be sent to his room directly after supper.

- During this period his pocket money will be docked from $3.75c per week to $2.25c and may not be used to purchase sweets.

- Russ is legally obliged to knock on the door of Mrs Crabtree down the road, apologise for egging her car and is to offer to mow her lawns - front and back.

The new 'get tough' stance from Big-Chief-Money-Launder has caused ripples throughout the online poker world, one insider was quoted as saying, "Why do we need a KGC license again?'... and was found mysteriously dead the next morning with the pipe of peace brutally shoved where the sun don't shine.

Ultimate Bet themselves have not escaped punishment over the scandal. They have been ordered to pay $1.5 million in cash to the Kahnawake tribe... though apparently the equivalent in used AK47s or Eastern European wh0res would also be perfectly acceptable.


PS: Please read our 'big girly disclaimer' before sending the goons round.

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