Thursday, 16 October 2008

Madge: It Was The Poker Or Me...

In a sensational Melted Felt exclusive we can reveal the cold hard truth behind yesterdays announcement by her royal Madgeness (aka Madonna) that Hubby Guy Ritchie is to be given the boot!

Speculation as the reasons for the divorce includuded usual reasons including looking at other womens asses, alledged emotional immaturity, internet p0rn, leaving coffee cup rings on the living room table and the infamous 'its not you - it's me' routine - which women still believe works, even though men figured it out as long ago as the 15th century.

As it turns out the real reason for the big divorce was internet poker. Brit Ritchie apparently opened an account with Party Poker some 6 months ago - and after getting his poker feet wet with some 50c / $1 fixed-limit holdem, was preparing to take a shot at satellites to the bigger buy-in Sunday tournaments.

According to our insider Guy's addiction to the beautiful game was obviously putting a strain on their relationship. "Yeah" said 2 foot tall Malcom - hired to file down the legs of tables and chairs "Madge would come home and ask for Guy to get ready for the MTV awards, where she was booked to show the world her fat thighs before receiving a lifetime achievement award - and Guy would be, like, 'sure honey, as soon as I finish this set of Sit N Goes' "

This made midget Maddy mad - especially as the star studded evenings would always feature boring tales of 'you'll never believe what they called at the bubble with' " continued our insider man. "Ritchie just played when he could at first, but was later determined to give up his lucrative and successful film directing career to 'take a shot' at making a living from the game he loved - working out that by 6-tabling NL holdem he could retire in 3 years time just on the rakeback alone'.

The final straw came when Ritchie - fed up with getting a hard time - took away the box that his wife used to stand on to see over the edge of the desk.



gadzooks64 said...


A man who plays online poker and streams pr0n?

I'd totally hit it.

Mark said...

We heard they sound something like K0rn, only with violins.


Add to Technorati Favorites