Thursday, 2 October 2008

WSOPE Final Table Lineup - Exclusive Preview

As the World Series Of Poker Europe gets to the final table, Melted Felt bring you a unique run-down of the contenders. Unsurprisingly, London's most presigeous tournament has seen Brits completely dominating the last 9. What is somewhat more surprising is that more than half of them are actually dead...

In our exlusive WSOPE Final Table Lineup preview we show the contenders, their chip counts and, erm, some other stuff.

Seat #1 - 210,000 Chips, Winston Churchill. Never in the course of poker history have so many chips been owed to so few by so many, Turns out Winny is a bit of a calling station... still Charles de Gaulle can always claim it as his own victory when the fighting is over.

Seat #2 = 185,000 Chips, ET The Extra-Terrestrial, After a lengthy enquiry when Mark Seif called the tournament director to check if aliens were allowed when facing a big river bet he did not want to call - it turned out that this was actually a case of mistaken identity - seat #2 was actually occupied by David Beckham's hideous and talentless wife Victoria.

Seat #3 - 1,200,000 Chips, Bond - James Bond, After saving the world from evil Russian oligarchs on 3 separate occasions during lunch breaks our licenced to kill agent has the current chip lead with 1.2 million. This is, of course, the real Bond... not to be mixed up with the slightly above average online player who writes well - Bond18.

Seat #4 - 525,000 Chips, King Henry The VIIIth, Somehow managed to win a big pot with 5 queens during the early rounds and has never looked back. Apparently thinks the pope is a big poofter and will take him on any f-ing day.

Seat #5 - 200,000 Chips. Sherlock Holmes, Totally strung up on Opium the UK's best known detective is a master hand reader, elementary my dear poker players.

Seat #6 - 666,666 Chips, Lady Thatcher, The now-demented former Iron Lady may be known at the tables for her frightening stare-down... however she actully accumulated those chips by playing those 'pretty suited ones', bless.

Seat #7 - 400,000 Chips, Sir Mick Jagger, managed to accumulate a big stack by continually threatening opponents with making another music video with David Bowie if they did not fold... people recalled that 2 men in their 40's Dancing in the Street was sooo horrible that they mucked their hands rather than suffering the same from men in their 60's.

Seat #8 - 800,000 Chips, Sir Francis Drake, famous for kicking the living sh1t out of the Spanish Armada, Drakey has promised to spend some of his winnings on supplying the current Spanish Navy with a glass bottomed boat... which should give them a nice clear view of the last Spanish Navy.

Seat #9 - 1 Chip - Tony Blair - Smart cookie and renouned bible basher Blair is desperately holding onto his last chip. He actually dumped the rest of his stack onto some bloke called Gordon Brown - just as the sh1t was about to hit the fan.


No comments:

Add to Technorati Favorites