Monday, 10 November 2008

Harrah's Blame Losses On Failed Brewery Piss-up Ventures

Both the business and gambling fraternities were bewildered yesterday, Melted Felt can exclusively report - as Hurrah's, the grand-daddy of casino operations, posted a loss of $7000 trillion dollars for the 3rd quarter.

Financial Analysts, economics experts and small-stakes fixed-limit holdem players worldwide were totally baffled - since all this well known organisation actually needed to do was to take a little bit of money for each hand played - or in the case of casino gamblers simply fix the odds in their favour.

While Harrah's poined fingers at the wider economic downturn, the Melted Felt mole managed to penetrate the upper levels of their management structure, where the post-room staff told us the real story.... that the losses had come when management were given the task of starting a new division - organising piss-ups in breweries around the world.

Our informer told us that after executive training courses in which those at director level and higher had to organise an egg in a battery-chicken farm, the successful candidates were given the job of bringing together people and alcohol to make a profit. However, just like taking a small amount of money from each hand at a poker table the guys found it too fucking difficult.

Melted Felt understand that future training courses are in plan which hope to see this company return to profit... only the boss can not remember exactly what it is that they were supposed to organise at the local wh0re house....

MF

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