Wednesday, 26 November 2008

McDonalds Party Bookings Plummet As Nevada Consider Lowering Gambling Age

In yet another in a long line of shocking and sensational exclusives, Melted Felt can today reveal the desperation of Casino barrons has lead to a lobby to lower the legal gambling age in Nevada to 5, yesterday.

With the economy in recession the number of drunk tourists donking off their cash in legally (and openly) rigged casino games has hit an all time low, with several casinos now actually 100% dependant on T J Cloutier's craps habit.

We spoke to a casino industry insider shortly before he started cleaning gentlemans restroom on level 3 of the Rio. "They are going after the pocket money dollar" he mumbled, "with 50 million children each receiving a weekly average of $4.25 each the market is huge - and that is not even including those old enough to get a paper delivery job or sell home-made lemonade".

A dealer admitted he was worried by the thought, "The little fuckers are vicious - slowrolling, angle grinding, you name it" he said. "in fact I have lost track of the times I've seen the 9 year olds down a big glass of milk in one slug and then challenge an opponent 4 or 5 times their age to 'Heads Up 4 Rollz' ", going on to admit that "it just loses its intimidating edge when the aggressor is 4 feet tall and wearing a milk-moustache".

Even before the governer considers his stance on the proposal, sales of McDonalds happy-meal parties have plummetted, proving that the nations tots are looking forward to lecturing you on exactly how your play was a negative expectation reverse implied odds situation - donk.



Anonymous said...


Very funny keep them up!


Mark said...

Cheers Haynesey!


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