Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Shock As Sharkscope Ban PokerStars

The great unwashed denizens of the online poker world were in shock yesterday, Melted Felt can exclusively report - after Sharkscope, the online database of Sit N Go tournament results, decided to add PokerStars to its ' banned ' list.

Sharkscope were forced to take the unprecidented step after it was revealed that players were using PokerStars accounts to search for their own names in some ego-congratulatory virtuo-narcisistic graph-fetish*

*were gonna damn well copywright that one too

"It was getting too much", confided a Sharkscope insider, "These spotty kids were playing on Stars all day and using all of their 5 free searches on their own screen-names, once a-fucking-hour". Continuing, "We considered limiting the searches for PokerStars players, but the risks were just too high - it would only take 1 player with a subscription after all to ego-search all his 6-max colluding mates in one go".

The big question left by the banning of Stars is how poker forum strategy arguments are to be settled in the future. With posters unable to say 'well, my sharkscope graph is bigger than your dad, erm, no - your graph' we will be left in a difficult spot when it comes to the discussion of hands and poker strategy situations. The big concern is that reasoned argument might have to be used instead, which would absolutely ruin the childishly arrogant ambiance of many of the popular forums.

We asked a spokesman from PokerStars how they reacted to being banned by Sharkscope - however they were only able to look up from counting their HUGE piles of money for long enough to give us an assurance that Full Tilt Poker really really is shite.


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