Monday, 8 December 2008

LAPT Mexico Cancelled As Contestants Find Out 1st Prize Is A Virgin

A sensational exclusive from south of the border yesterday as Melted Felt bring you news hot off the press from the land of moustached women and a nationwide deoderant phobia. Yes, among speculation that the LAPT Mexico was closed at the half way stage due to a 'tipping error' on behalf of the organisers - we can bring you the cold hard truth...

18 year old Carmen De RenaultLaguna, due to be given away as 1st prize in this 10-chicken (or close equivalent) buy-in Latin American Poker Tour Event was actually 'outed' as a virgin between blind levels 8 and 9 - causing the massed sombreros of the poker playing participants to very suddenly walk out.

We spoke to participant Jose Halitouiso, a keen poker player who had swapped one of his gandmother's gold teeth to enter (though apparently she put up quite a fight to keep it). Jose expressed his huge disappointment at hearing the news. "Eh? Tips? We loooove tips" he started, continuing after we had greased his palm with a crisp $20, "eh? Ci, Ci - nooo goood Senior, nooo gooood, they promised a prize lady for the weeee-nner of de poookker tournament senior, for sure, Ci Ci" $10 later he got round to answering the Melted Felt Mole on what exactly was the problem with Carmen being so biblically pure? "Well, senior, Ci, Ci, the thing isssss, If she not gooood enough for her own brothers, den how is she good enough for me?"

Luckily a replacement 'prize' was found, her moustache attractively clipped and the tournament rescheduled - only to find that 87 of the 89 original participants were now gainfully employed in branches of Burger King throughout San Deigo...


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