Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Shock As Global Credit Crunch Hits Poker

Coming so soon after our last shocking exclusive, Melted Felt are pleased to bring you the first of 3 more shocking exclusive poker sensations - this time on a truly global scale.

Yes, the Melted Felt Mole has been to the 4 corners of the earth yesterday to assess the effect of the Global Credit Crunch on the world of poker, today we cover the far east - come back soon when Britain and the US will be covered.

We started in China where there was a noticable reduction in the toxic fumes slowly choking the planet to death being pumped out by the factories of one Mr Ho Hum. When we enquired what the problem was the numbers were truly staggering. Some 173,954 people had been layed off from their jobs of creating millions of ultra-low quality 'Texas Holdem Poker Sets' with the lightest plastic chips and paper-thin playing cards, which until recently were sold in supermarkets, convienience stores and gas stations throughout the world - usually to be used once then stored in a cupboard.

"We strongly deny that the lead content of any of the products was above internationally recognised standards" said Mr Hum yesterday, adding that "The extra-high lead content was actually in the original specification supplied by the customer" before concluding that "well, what harm does a bit of lead do anyway? hardly fatally poisoned baby milk is it??".

Before he could go on to deny anything about baby milk we asked about the fate of the 173,000-odd workers he was forced to lay off. Fortunately, Mr Ham in the factory next door had seen a massive uptick in orders for his specialist adult-sized nappies from Wall Street traders and hedge fund managers and was able to take on most of the affected labor.


Coming next - Oxford University student Tarquin suffers shock reduction in allowance.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is definitely a bad time for most people, but the poker tables still seem to be full of players. It's a little bit hard to say for sure. Throughout September, October and much of November, I think affiliates were crediting bad signup numbers to the new WSOP coverage format...rather than blaming the economy. One thing is for sure, there will always be terrible poker players rype for the picking.

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