Sunday, 28 December 2008

Shock As Hellmuth's Entire History Proves Bogus

After an artery-hardening holiday-season break Melted Felt is back at your service with an exclusive which is set to rock the rotten core of the poker world.

Phil Helmuth's award of a pot in an online poker game at Ultimate Bet which he visibly lost caused a minor ripple through forums worldwide... here at Melted Felt we have gone one step further and can (sensationally) reveal, after days of digging through histories, that Hellmuth has never actually won a single hand of poker ever!

We start the shocking revelation in the 1989 WSOP (yes folks, poker was really played before the technology to call someone a retard in an anonymous online forum was even invented) where Hellmuth famously beat Johnny Chan to simulateously become both the youngest and the ugliest winner of the main event. Only he never won a hand, after trawling through the histories and watching the chips move it appeared that each time Chan's attention was momentarily disconnected from the table the chips went to Phil... even though he was holding 10-2 off.

Again and again, bent dealers, human error, bribes at the right moment, blackmail involving very revealing photos, computer glitches and rigged online poker sites contributed to making Phil Helmuth into the poker celeb that we love to hate...

While this goes a long way to explaining why the 'top 10 only' strategy outlined in Hellmuth's books causes all players using it to go broke, it does explain Phil Helmuth's most famous quote quite nicely..."if it were not for luck I guess I'd win every one"... hmmmm.

MF

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