Tuesday, 27 January 2009

ESPN To Work On 'November 9' Whining Levels

Another sensational exclusive from your trusted source of poker news, as we bring you a pledge from ESPN, that the delayed final table for the 2009 WSOP will result in higher whining levels than the 2008 version.

Yes, in a complete failure to meet their key performance indicators there were less than 121,392 complaints and moans on poker forums in the run-up to the 2008 final table that 'nobody even told me it was on'.

We dispatched the Melted Felt Mole to ply an ESPN contact with cheap liquor before interviewing them. "While the 2008 'November 9' was a success on traditional metrics such as the number of viewers", our contact began, "we actually fell a little flat on numbers of small stakes internet poker players in terms of whining on poker forums" continuing "This year we have acknowledged that all those losing $25 NL players who donked off their chips in at least 1 $3 satellite are very important indeed".

Taking a large slug of fire-water our contact outlined how they intended to change this years whining levels. "We'd first like to acknowledge that it is 100% ESPN's responsibility to get the schedule to the very important internet whiners - even though they can not be bothered to tune in, look at our website or even read the forums that they are members of", going on, "we will make every effort to increase the number of small-minded whinging complaints from players who some how think they are so fucking important that information should be transmitted via space-aged microwave brain-implant technology right to their conscious mind without them having to lift a single finger that is undoutedly wrapped tightly around their small...."

Well, thanks for that - we look forward to reading the complaints on forums worldwide....

MF

2 comments:

Short-Stacked Shamus said...

That ESPN contact sounds like he might be being just a tad sarcastic. That being said, it should be noted that sarcasm is often difficult to detect on here on the internets.

Mark said...

Yes indeed, and the fact that sarcasm is the lowest form of whit suits Melted Felt perfectly... or something.

MF

 
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