Monday, 19 January 2009

Obama Inauguration Build-Up Inspires Online Poker Pro's 'American Dreams'

An insightful exclusive today as Melted Felt 'Feel The Pulse' of online poker professionals as Barak Obama takes his historic journey to the White House to become the president with the whitest teeth yet.

We look to the history, to forefathers fighting through unimaginably tough conditions to make the US great and to the spirit, ideals and committments of those pioneers who gave so much to so many - and then make funny comparisons with the societal parasites in bedrooms at their parents house who make up the population of wannabe poker pros.

First stop is Andrew in Wyoming, currently grinding the $5 Sit N Go tounaments at Full Tilt for a paltry ROI 12 hours a day. On the eve of Obama's inauguration, we asked Andrew about his future role in making the US great. "I have a dream," he began "It is deeply rooted in the American Dream, I have a dream that one day Sit And Go grinders will not be judged as an inferior group, that the push / fold game will garner as much respect as deep stacked cash game play, amen" standing up to finish (with hand firmly placed on his heart) " I have a dream that SNG grinders and cash game players will join hands as sisters and brothers" - at this point our conversation was cut short as Andrew's Mom yelled that his supper was ready...

Next we spoke to Lance in Michigan, pale and lean, spotty and wheezy, due to his daily routine of playing online poker tournaments from 11am until 4am smoking drugs and pissing into bottles a lot. Citing Lincolns the 13th ammendment Lance outined how he was in fact nothing more than a slave to Derek 'Bed Linnen' Faber, since after a bad run when first being staked for his online play, he was in 'makeup' to some $40,000. Still, Lance did not see this as a problem, in fact in true pioneer spirit his ambition was to turn the tables and have his own stable of enslaved 'horses', of course all he needed was that one big-score first, and a girlfriend would be great -as long as she loved poker.

Finally we spoke to Jim in LA, whose record of 37 accounts on Stars and 41 on Full Tilt required his 'brother', several buddies and a vast technical setup disguising IP addresses to manage. However when we enquired whether what he was doing was part of the American Dream or simply fraud under the name of multi-accounting he simply claimed the
sanctuary of the 5th... oh well.


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