Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Poker Stars Lag Blamed On Full Tilt Being Shite

In a shocker of a senstional exclusive, Melted Felt can reveal the findings of our very own Mole - who has been looking into exactly why Poker Stars is lagging all the time at the moment.

- You might have thought this was down to sheer incompetance, after all the 230k average players and pretty tame graphics pales in comparison to World of Warcraft and its ilk - who manage to run their businesses ok.

- You might have thought this was down to mean spirited bosses who would not shell out another few hundred thou for a bunch of servers, or just a bit of capacity in a mega-centre somehow.

- Maybe you believed that the noticable Poker Stars Lag was due to the fact that the management team are currently in the Bahamas, possibly drunk on coctails and probably having extra-marital affairs with other revolting, hairy and fat senior managers...

Well, you are all wrong of course. We have the real answer straight from the made-up Melted Felt mole's completely imaginary investigation.

Yes, the lag at Poker Stars is actually caused by Full Tilt Poker being shite. You see Stars is really struggling to cope with the mass exodus of players who suddenly realize that they are playing at a 4th rate shadow of a site when they could be playing at the number 1... according to our Stars Insider.

The players are apparently leaving the completely rigged Full Tilt in droves to come over to the fairest poker site online - where donks are never rewarded and they agree that you really are a good player (just a little unluckly up till now, or else you'd be a pro), where you'll win money far faster due to the fact that your aces will always hold up 80-odd% of the time.

Our insider contact told us that once all of the rapidly diminishing pool of players had left Full Tilt then the servers should be back to normal... and the play money tables can be switched back on to enable people worldwide to type ZZZZZZZZ while never folding.



woodie said...

Hey,! could you add my link

Will add yours too notify me on mine when done and I'll add it asap.


Mark said...

Hey Woodie,

Happy to publish your link to give visitors a chance to visit... but to be honest your results did not make us laugh, not even once.


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