Friday, 9 January 2009

Titan Poker Misunderstand Central Concept With New VIP Club

Even using pretty words like 'Fresh Start' and 'Clean Slate', Titan Poker have disillusioned 1000's of players with the introduction of their VIP Club yesterday. In this sensational Melted Felt exclusive that goes to the rotten core of the poker underworld we bring you news of the Titan Poker great VIP points robbery - and give you a sneak preview of what is to come.

By resetting the 'Titan Points' count to zero every single one of their players, Titan Poker are estimated to have saved themselves close to 7 Trillion dollars in freeroll entries and stylish baseball caps. At the same time as telling players about the possibility of becoming a VIP, this iPoker site have gently reminded them that they are actually scum who only exist to pay for the expensive houses and yachts of the owners - and that there is simply fuck all you can do to regain those lost points, so get over it.

We (of course) immediately dispatched the Melted Felt Mole to find out what other nasty surprises Titan may have in store for its so-called-VIP members... here are some obviously made-up highlights:

- Silver Level VIPs: Will have small amounts of cash ranging from $5 to $12 mysteriously removed from their account at random intervals.

- Gold Level VIPs: Accounts will be frozen every time you win more than $100 in a day, activating this will require sending Id (again!) which will be lost in the post at least twice.

- Platinum Level VIPs: Titan will flick a small red switch that will ensure that you never win another fucking hand ever again, you fucking fish.

- Diamond Level VIPs: Checks with your winnings will be hand delivered by specially employed hitmen who will ensure that you (or loved ones if they answer the door) get a bullet in each kneecap...

Well, Titan have shown us that they really know how to look after their loyal players - we look forward to bringing you more ways in which this site will reward your loyalty real soon!

MF

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