Saturday, 7 March 2009

Poker Stars To Host Online Spite Railing World Championship

In an item so exclusive we had to put the entire Melted Felt staff into a circular room and tell them to piss in the corner to prevent leaks, some shocking news today on the latest online championship to be held at alledgedly rigged poker site Poker Stars.

Yes, next week will see the inaugural world championship of online spite railing, where skinny little fucks nationwide get a chance to become KEYBOARD HARDMEN in the name of winning a big prize.

Here is how it will work:

At some point mid-way through a multi-table tournament each contestant will bust out after starting with the best hand, losing on the river when their opponent catches one of 8 or less outs.

This will mark the start of an opportunity to make futile comments in the observer chat for a long time afterwards - the 'Spite Railing' will be marked by a team of experts with points awarded for, persistance. tapping the fishtank and the all important element of classlessness.

Extra 'Spite Railing Points' will be awarded for:

- Persistance beyond the call of duty, especially following your donk to a new table.

- ALL CAPS: THIS IS MAKE YOU LOOK SOOOO POWERFUL AND TUFF, INNIT

- Quoting statistics that prove you are a better player than the guy who beat you, especially the classic 'my sharkscope graph is better than your sharkscope graph'

- Threatening someone 3000 miles away with physical violence

- Lecturing people on poker strategy concepts that you obviously don't understand, 10 points here for 'how can you re-raise all in with just a draw?' and 5 for 'Nice catch' after someone gives the whole table 5 free cards to beat their aces.

- Challenging someone to a heads-up match (extra if it is for 'rollz')

- Saying NH or WP every time anyone else at the table wins against your 'enemy'

Of course, the winner of the world spite-railing championship will combine the above with that certain element of 'mid-IQ blues' and hint of desperation which only a true sad-case could manage.

Think you could be this years championship spite-railer?
Know of a great spite-railing story??
Then let us know!

MF

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