Monday, 20 April 2009

Obama To Save Economy By Redistributing Poker Wealth

Contining with the 'continuing with the theme' theme today, we bring you a poker-politico crossover story so shocking that Stalin himself would have probably folded pre-flop. Yes, dear readers, it would seem that in his crypto-communist drive to re-distribute wealth, president Barak Obama is to leave no stone unturned - and this includes online poker.

After lengthy invesigations and outrageous expense claims, none other than the Melted Felt mole gave us the low down on the redistribution about to become reality.

Firstly, winning players are to see 35% of their bankroll immediately transferred to those players who can not be bothered to play any hands - while complaining that Mexicans get dealt aces every fucking time. Dope-smoking college dropouts will all receive a complimentary ticket to the Sunday Million, and 14 year olds will be given a free subscription to cardrunners to improve the competativeness of future generations.

On a more detailed level the winners of SNG tournaments will from now on see half of their prize go to the weak-tight nit who finished 7th and is still quoting your bad stats in the chat box 23-minutes later. There will also be a cash bonus of $2.43c for those playing ace-rag from early position, paid for entirely by set-mining short-stackers.

Obama's radical plan to re-distribute wealth from those who worked hard to move up levels to where people respect their raises to the lazy sh1ts who would not know effort if it were spelled out in big letters on a Medicare claim form faces one last hurdle... the unions.

Yes, dear readers, the Unions are already flexing their muscles on this one and demanding that all Americans be immediately given 379% rakeback and a magic 'never-lose' button for when they get aces. After patiently explaining to them that this deal was unsustainable and would eventually kill the poker economy which provided their living in the first place we were told that this kind of talk was 'un-American' and that we were in the pay of foreign powers... ut oh.


PS: Two shouts attached to this post... firstly to Freddie from for the economy boost via poker transfers idea (and several others yet to come!)... 2nd to a certain owner of a top-rated poker affiliate forum, whose amusing political rantings inspired making it a re-distribution of wealth post - cheers J, hope you enjoy!

1 comment:

Freddie Bicknese said...

Brilliant as usual!
And thanks for the shout out.

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