Friday, 24 April 2009

PPA To Blow Another $3 Million Of Your Money

Stepping - once again - away from the virtual poker news and into the marbled corridoors of power today, to bring you the sensational news that an organization which will not need to exist when online poker is regulated are asking for some more cash... to help them cease to exist.

Yes the hithertoo completely ineffective Poker Players Alligator (PPA), not to be mixed up with the poker lobbying organisation with a similar sounding name, are asking for a cool $3 million to ensure that the status quo remains in place and their luxury lifestyles can be maintained. The hope is that by remaining as completely ineffective as in previous years, they will be able to convince gullible online poker players that some progress is being made - and ask for $4 mill in 2010.

We sent the Melted Felt Mole to rootle through their trash for clues as to where the $3 million earmarked for 'lobbying' by the Poker Players Alligator was to be spent. In a stroke of journalistic luck we managed to find a printed scrap of paper, signed by all the leading PPA members which was a list of potential expenses.

WOt we WiLl SpenT Da $3 Mil oN - By PPa

1) 1276 Rounds of Golf
2) 3 New Porshes
3) 26 Professionally Written Press Releases Designed To Show How Well We Are Doing
4) 69 Escorts
5) 3 Superuser Account Fees for Ultimute But
6) Rental For Penthouse
7) Hire Of Private Jet
8) 2541 Fancy Dinners
9) Hire of 5 TV studios + look alike actors to convince dumb poker players that we are actually doing something constructive in their cause.
10) College Fees and Allowance * 3
11) 2 * Totally Faked Studies Showing That Poker is actually a skill game
12) 3002 Hand Rolled Cuban Cigars
13) Hire Of Private Beach In Hawaii
14) Chauffer Fees
15) 3 Horses Heads to leave in the bed of anyone who looks like outing us as moneygrabbing and completely ineffective scammers.

Here at Melted Felt we can feeeeeel it coming - yes the Poker Players Alligator deserve the $3 million - and fast - so they can carry on doing exactly what they are best at... living luxuary lifestyles while cleverly convincing the average online poker player that regulation is 'just around the corner'

Send your $20 in a plain envelope to....


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