Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Barney Frank To Submit Yet Another New Poker Legalization Bill

In an exclusive that wants to be like you-ho-ho, Melted Felt are pleased to bring you news that Barney Frank is about to introduce his 754th new bill to congress aimed at regulating online poker games next week. Yes dear readers, the 'Those Losers Never Even Thought That Gambling Taxes Actually Apply To Them Internet Gaming Regulation Act' (TLNETGTAATT-IGR for short) could hit the floor as early as the week starting May the 4th.

With support from losing poker players throughout the states this bill is causing some excitement in poker circles - not least because it is the first bill to be introduced since the last one, which was the most current bill at time it was introduced (well, since the one before that and the previous one of course).

We tried to explain it to Geoff, a 19 year old geek who enjoys grinding 12 tables of low limit cash games so much that he dropped out of college early - giving up a balanced, healthy and proserous future in exchange for 33% rakeback and an upwards sloping Poker Tracker graph. Currently scraping $3500 a month from the tables we caught up with Geoff to get the view from the floor..."Banning online poker is an affront to my freedom of choice as an American citizen" began the weedy looking sh1t who is unlikely to reproduce any time soon.

We then described the future, where poker is legal, regulated and treated just like any other profession - including being taxed... "You mean the government take away some of my winnings?" Geoff stammered, obviously confused, "But I thought that tax was something for the people in suits, man, this is a serious affront to my freedom of choice as an American citizen - I was about to move up to 50c / $1 6-max too".

Leaving Geoff to his new found realization that tax is something that applies to him too we went to look deeper into Barney's new bill, only to find it had already come and gone... to be replaced with Mr Frank's next bill - titled 'Well The PPA Are Paying Me For These So Why Not Introduce Another One Internet Gaming Act (WTPAPMFTSWNIAO-IGA for short).


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