Saturday, 6 June 2009

Full Tilt To Send Letters Home With Heads-Up Grinders

In an exclusive which is so sensational it almost got us 5 of the best with the cane, no, wait, its 2009... we mean almost got us a meaningful and non-judgemental interview with some fat ugly 'educational psychologist'... we bring you the news that Full Tilt Poker High are to send letters home with some of their mid-stakes heads-up grinders after serious concerns were raised that these people were low as fuck, even by the degenerate standards of other online poker players.

Here is a leaked version of the letter to be sent:

From: Dr H Lederer, Principal - Full Tilt Poker High
To: Mr And Mrs H.U. Grinder
Subject: Little Johnny Grinder's Behavior

It is with some concern that we are taking the unusual step of writing to you as the parents of Johnny Grinder to express our deep and genuine concern over his behavior while attending $5 / $10 Heads-up cash games here at Full Tilt Poker High.

Our main concern is that Johnny Grinder is refusing to play with the other degens, erm children, preferring to sit alone at the heads-up cash game tables. What is more, whenever one of the other players joins the game johnny immediately sits out, waiting for one of the kindergarten players or someone wobbling in from the chemistry lab instead.

Second, Johnny grinder actually sits at 15 heads-up tables at once, ensuring that anyone wishing to play this level must sit with him. While we are happy to report that end of term exam results indicate a high level of proficiency in this form of the game, both tournament and full-ring
were fails - indicating that this year of grinding will have to be re-sat.

We tried to reason with Johnny before taking the step of writing to you both, however he incoherently babbled something about waiting for the fish (the school pond, kindly donated by Poker Stars, is full of the finest koi carp and freely available for all the degens to enjoy) and also
appreared to be having a conversation with an invisible friend called Carl Runners. His only responses to our questions appeared to be in code with 'IMOA', 'GG' and 'WFT' being the most common.

I would like to invite you to my office to discuss Johnny Grinders future progress, especially in relation to the development of even the most basic social skills. If you could please attend at 3PM Thursday it would be much appreciated - you can bring the rubber gear and I'll call Annie Duke. In the meantime we have restricted the number of tables that any of the grinders can sit alone at to 4 - with only one at each buy-in level.

Yours, Howie


PS: Stole this pic from a forum post at Poker Affiliate Listings... if you are involved in the poker business in any way then please check out the #1 poker business community for yourself!


Anonymous said...

Funny post about a growing problem. If I played HU cash then I'd play anyone at my stakes and not avoid anyone.

As it happens I ama fish, don't play HU cash so its not a problem for me!

Mark said...

Love PLO Heads-up SNGs myself over at Stars, but then again I'm a fish too....


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