Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Lisa Hamilton Crowned Ladies WSOP Champ After Limp Fest

An exclusive from the damp and just slightly sticky floor of the world series of poker today - with a pro analysis of a historical hand, after which Lisa Hamilton, a cash game player, was crowned Women's champ for 2009 - sensationally winning a lot less than any of the men.

As the 9 ladies sat down for the final table there was a definite tension in the air, worries about whether anyone else was wearing the same top, lost false-nails and whether they switched the oven off before coming out today were soon banished, as the dealer started to distribute the cards for what was to be the 1st and only hand of the coveted televised final table.

Once the hole cards were dealt the play proceded in the usual ladies fashion, with Kim Rios opening the no-limit action with a limp, Lisa Parsons deciding to limp behind, Dawn Thomas believing her suited cards worthy of a 3rd limp and so on... round to Lori Bender who, seeing a monster hand of Ace-Nine off - decided to put in a heathy raise of 1 more big blind. Here is where things got tricky, after 7 of the 8 limpers called this bet we found our we have a slow-player in the house, yes, Mari Lou Morelli had pocket 10's all along and now decides it is time to spring the trap with a 2 Big Blind Limp-reraise!! Everyone called.

A card was burned and the flop dealt, 4-5-6 of spades hitting the table. Lori Bender kicked off the action - and having missed her ace and nine, was happy to see that the 9 was in fact spades, giving here a flush draw. She bet the minimum, since, well, her hand was only 'pretty good', next to her Kim Rios had flopped a straight draw with here Ace-Three and called, as did several other players until Lisa Santy - who had flopped 2 pairs with here 4-6 reraised the minimum, only to see a further minimum raise from Mari Lou Morelli with here powerhouse overpair. Everyone called.

The turn came an offsuit ace, giving at least 8 of the Ladies reason enough to continue. Here we see eventual winner Lisa Hamilton spring into life. After 2 circuits of the table in which bets and mini-raises saw 4 ladies all in Lisa decided to drop the bombshell, and actually put in a raise of a futher 4 blinds into the 127 blind pot, with her Ace-six of diamonds.

Breath was drawn, evil looks were given and cries of 'ohhhhhh, get 'er ' were heard across the floor, 3 players called before Mari Lou suddenly decided that everyone was bluffing and raised once again with her pocket 10's. Everyone called.

A tense silence descended on the room and the dealer involuntarily went into TV Slo-Mo to deal the river card, the case 6! With a flurry of min betting, min-raising, slowplaying and calling just to see if the fucking bitch was bluffing all the money went in. With Lisa Hamilton's Ace-Six taking down the prize.

he Melted Felt mole grabbed an exclusive interview with the runner up, Lori Bender, who said that she was happy to accept defeat on this occasion, since the winner so obviously needed the money to afford surgery on that huge fat ass.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Outstanding work Sir.

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