Sunday, 21 June 2009

Relief As Iran's Ayatolla Declares Stars 'Not Rigged'

In an exclusive so sensational it thinks Salman Rushdie's books are exceptional literature - yet just a little bit too wordy for an enjoyably light read - we bring you news from the very top of the oil-rich nuclear nutcases of Iran. The completely unelected 'big boss' there has tried to put an end to several days of protests against Stars RNG rigging by declaring online poker to be the real-deal.

While the dead from seveal days of protesting were buried, the Iranian population were repeatedly assured that, although it felt like an ace always flopped when you held kings and the fucking retard who called a raise with ace-four off from early position hit and took your entire stack - that the Stars RNG was not only completely fair, but believing it was not was a viscious rumor being funded by Americans in an effort to personally insult the Mothers of every man, woman and child in the nation.

The unelected Ayatolla then went on to say how important elections were, assuring people that they should go back to their homes and not worry about the false and destabilising propaganda from the evil godless British who were secretly funding dissident groups who believe that people who cash-out are punished with a terrible run of cards.

With more anti RNG rigging protests planned in the days to come the future is far from certain. Groups campaigning for several Sunday Majors to be re-run are gaining momentum using Twitter, uTube and petrol bombs, while the all-powerful police and totally hard secret services are joining forces to shoot people who berate fish in the chatbox...


(*Melted Fatwah?)


Melody said...

Iran is F'in crazy right now. So far more protests today. I'm betting 5x the big blind that it's gonna get even crazier!

Mark said...

Hehe, like to see a heads-up match with North Korea myself...


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