Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Shock As Hellmuth Wins 2010 Main Event

In an update so shocking you'll temporarily think your nation is good enough to have a deep run in the World Cup, we today bring you news that Phil Hellmuth Jr has won the 2010 World Series of Poker main event - beating his own record to hit 13 of the coveted WSOP bracelets in the meantime, the penguins were cheering silenty, the walls extra bright... and every time someone moves a poker chip the clack-clack echoes all around the beach.

Standing in a life sized mockup of the ultimate bet beach-scene table, Phil needed to push away microphones and cameras and more microphones a sea of grey furry microphones, mouths asking 'how does it feel', 'history' and 'The greatest'. Golden glow of success with hardly enough time to acknowledge the accoldades the obscuring fuzz of grey microphones fluidly dodging the questions, soaking up the thankyou's, firing the ever growing number of simple questions into the walls of the newly formed Rio.

Everyone gone, silence and just the chips, the clack-clack across the room reveals one more player - forgotten - an internet kid, hoody, iPod and cheap glasses just a small pile of chips and he doubles, he doubles again, unexploitable shoves and small pots chipping away, the crowd returning - penguins hiding - now the kid takes a chip lead...but it was already over... something is not right, it was already won. The microphones and cameras now pointing at the kid the accolades and wonder, the golden glow and the bracelet slipping away... no way to be understood, resentful looks from the press, "hellmuth blows it', 'Hellmuth crumbles', "Hellmuth looses his nerve' all flashing in front of his eyes.

"ALL IN!!" Phil shouts and the room slowly turns to stare, slience sweeps from the centre out, only clack-clack of the internet kids chips as he sliently mouths in slow motion "Y---0-----U W-----I-----N". Cheers, shouts, respect, love, money and a world record 12th bracelet... the President walking in, penuins lined up like a guard of honor... but the bracelet won't fit, like the infamous bloodied glove it sits on the fingertips, a nagging beep-beep, the president is ushered away, people milling around, confusion, 'how can it be yours if it does not fit' asks a mouth from a furry grey microphone... beep-beep-beep "how can it be yours" beep "How, tell us how Phil" Beep-Beep "It will fit the Internet Kid for sure" BEEP-BEEP "Let him tryyyy, let him tryyyy" BEEP.

Phil bellows with all his breath "It's Mine, MINE!!!" (BEEP) Yelling "I BEAT the internet kid!!"

At this point his long-suffering wife says, "Of course you did dear, now - will you please turn off that alarm clock... the main event starts tomorrow"


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