Thursday, 16 July 2009

Full Tilt World Record Attempt Runs Out Of Red Pros

In an exclusive that would never even consider shooting Russian human rights activists, we bring you the shocking news that Full Tilt Poker are going to
need alittle help with their world record attempt this weekend after running out of Red Pros.

The shock reversal in policy came at the 11th hour as the powers that be in the world's second largest poker site realized that they are more than 10 Red Pro's short of the 35,000 required to challenge Pokerstars for the world record of gathering while dressed in a gorilla suit, no, hang on, we mean't playing in a really long and boring online poker tournament in which you play 7 hours of no-foldem-holdem against clueless donkeys just to cash for $7.38c after a bad beat.

We spoke to Frank Harris, an imaginary Full Tilt spokesman who is also the current world record holder for balancing a banana on his nose, "We thought about getting some of our Team Full Tilt pros to have a crack at the record for the most forward rolls". began Frank, "but this came up against some laws-of-physics issues at the planning stage... According to the rules there are no available records concerning distance carrot chopping, the number of laptops hurled into a swimming pool or Mr Potato-Head lookalike contests - so we just nicked Stars idea instead".

Even after lowering the requirements for becoming a Red Pro to having won a $3 SNG or once watching half a Cardrunners video, the number was not quite enough - leading to the decision to open up registration to the 83 players on the site which are not currrently sponsored.

Those who can not afford the $5 entry fee can even satellite in using those otherwise completely fucking useless points - its on Sunday the 19th at 15:05 ET... check out Full Tilt Poker for more! (You Could Always Use Referral Code PBKLUB, We'd Appreciate It!)


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