Monday, 27 July 2009

Gender Dispute Leads RPT To Move Moscow Open To Kiev

We hope you are sitting comfortably, Dear Melted Felt readers, as todays geo-political poker news is both shocking and a little bit hairy. The Russian Poker Tour have moved out of Russia and into the Ukraine after a diplomatic spat concerning the gender of a Russian ex-shotputter in the Womens event caused Poker's status as a sport to be voided, or something.

While the Russian Poker Tour can take some solace from the fact that not too many people would actualy realize that Kiev is not in Russia, there was still a lot of concern and anger among the tour organizers when it comes to the questions about 1974 Olympic sliver medal-shotputter Petra Voldinoskov.

Petra's gender was questioned first questioned by the floor manager when she entered the ladies preliminary event, with moustache, short-back-and-sides haircut, hairy armpits showing through 'her' vest top, breats and stomach merging into an amprphous blob and deep voice the alarm bells started ringing. When the tour chiefs were called in to investigate a further dispute arose over human rights, with an individuals fundamental right to keep a banana in their pocket without having to reveal it on request the core of the argument. Luckily, one of the other contestants - a former Olympic female javelin athlete by the name of Boris, was able to confirm Petra's true gender.

Meanwhile officials in Kiev are delighted to welcome the RTP to their city and have set up a suitable venue, accomodation and started the hiring process. While the costs of the entire event (including special 'administration fees' for the police, local government, majors office, national government, secret services, local mafia, trades union officials and president's office) they fully intend to wait until about 10 minutes after the event starts before letting the organizers know that Poker is actually illegal in the Ukraine too...oops.


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