Friday, 3 July 2009

Is Poker Forum Posting Becoming Harder?

In an exclusive that wishes you would respect its raises, Melted Felt readers will today be treated to some sensational news - that posting hand histories on poker forums is becoming harder.

A few years ago, pre 2006, when everyone could post Party Hand histories, poker forum life was easy - you just put $50 into your account and were sent a money printing licence in return. Any tricky hands or situations could be posted on a number of friendly and congenial poker forums, where well meaning but non-thinking sheep would be happy to tell you what was 'standard' for your particular community.

That was then, what about 2009 - is poker forum posting becoming harder?

Well dear Melted Felt readers, danger now lurks behind every cry for assistance, strategy insight and seemingly innocent 'line check please' request... here is what would-be poker forum players have to watch out for.

The Strategy "Check", with Sharkscope "Reraise": Here a request for advice is posted, and advice is willingly offered, the original poster then queries not only the advice, but the credentials of the person offering it - often with accompanying sharkscope graph. The 'Please help' --> "How the fuck dare you offer someone as great as me advice you retarded moron' line has reared its head again.... The best strategy here is to immediately fold your posting hand, however mathematically cast-iron your insights into the hand the original poster will not listen.

The Badbeat Story in Sheeps Clothing: Looks like a strategy post, until you realize that it is just a sad and sorry example of someone getting their money in good and losing the hand, again. Well meaning players of the forum poker game will vainly attempt to explain to the poster that the whole idea of poker is to get your money in good... and that results are just the short-term noise. Don't waste your time here, these posters are not only convinved that they would be rich as fuck if only their luck was 'average', they probably believe in rigged RNGs, the cash out curse and the ability to 'soul read' while multitabling online PLO8 too.

The String-o-Donks: This is a particularly tricky online forum play in which posters will give a small number of hand histories which demonstrate that their opponents are making terrible mistakes and then getting lucky. They will use this to demonstrate that it is impossible to play 'well' against said donks and (they believe) subtly seek that the particular forum community agree that they should move up levels where their clearly superior hand reading, bet sizing and, erm, slowplaying skills could earn them a fortune. Don't try arguing that you need to be able to beat the bad players first, don't argue that the bad guys will bring you more profit if you adjust well... just don't argue at all - let the string-o-donks poster move on up and play against better players (they'll be back with a badbeat in sheeps clothing next week and busto the week after!).

The Normalness Of My Downswing: How god-damn normal is this I ask you?? 20 buy-ins, 10 buy-ins, 50 big bets - whatever... these posters are certainly confused about the nature of variance in the beautiful game - and are looking for a little comfort, a virtual cuddle, in the form of 'you are great, just those donks again'. What confuses us is why all the losing players never ask about the normalness of their good runs? Now, they are not assuming that 50% ROI in SNGs or 25 PTBB/100 is 'normal' in the first place right.....right??

Our conclusion - forum poker is indeed becoming harder, and we blame those nasty evil losing recreational players who actually keep the online poker economy alive... rather than the losing 'great players' who have no idea how fucking stupid they look when they berate these very cash-cows in the online poker chat boxes...



Anonymous said...

Funny shit. Ha I know which category I fall!! Donation's at all your favorite sites ladies and gentlemen!!

Joppa Road said...


Mark said...

Thanks for the feedback - always aim to please!


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