Monday, 13 July 2009

Stars Add 'Berate Fish' Button

In an exclusive that brands rumors of pancreatic cancer to be American imperialist propaganda, we bring you some exciting news today of the latest imaginary upgrade to the Pokerstars software client - the 'Berate Fish' button.

Yes, dear Melted Felt readers, for so long losing small stakes players have had to make a serious effort to make the only opponents they have a financial edge over leave the table. Typing insults, questioning their plays and critisizing their hole-card selection was getting to be a distraction from the real goal of slowplaying black aces on 4-5-6 of heart flops and then tilting when the inevitable happens.

Pokerstars have always listened to the needs of their players - and the 'berate fish' button is as great as you would expect from the leading site. Not only does this button make the game less profitable by making the donating player leave - it does it in a fully automated way. Just one click on the new button will cause a query to hit the Stars back-end, identifying the player most likely to increase your stack of chips over the course of the session. Random critisism will then start to appear in the chat box including 'nice bet IMO', 'f ing calling station' and 'if you had a brain you'd be dangerous'...

If the losing opponent decides to stay (or answer back) the insults will get gradually more personal until they eventually leave. Next a big flashing sign will pop up saying, "Congratualations - You Have Successfully Reduced Your Profits For This Session'. Clicking the button again will locate the next biggest loser and start the process over again.

Sould be a real effort saver!


1 comment:

Truthans said...

What a great invention! That means that I don't have to move up in stakes just to find players that respect my raises! I just get rid of the fish. Brilliant! ;-D

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