Sensational, if somewhat dated, news dear Melted Felt readers - as we bring you the shocking exclusive scooptastic and utterly imaginary news that one Joe Sebok (famous for being the not gay son of a Barry Tanebaum, erm, no, Harry Greenday, erm) has signed an exclusive sponsorship agreement with Ultimate Bet to become their official furry mascot - and head honcho in the new role of not being gay.
Sebok's new duties as head of not being gay in the slightest include a diverse range of un-gay activities. While the forum dogs who only ever play on UB under pseudonyms cried 'foul' Sebok announced he would be working hard towards having all of the suspected 'Superuser' hand histories released so that he could personally verify that there is nothing gay about them while soaking in a bath full of scented rose petals and drinking bacardi with diet coke.
Stating a will to bring any and all gay superusers to justice, Joe stated categorically that he was backed by the Kahnawake Gaming corporation in implementing limp-wristed mouse click detection software via a the all new completely heterosexual Cereus security centre. Though as a politically correct concession they were considering offering branded pink fluffy 'Sebok' slippers via the VIP store.
At the time of writing the positions of 'head of not being fat as fuck' and 'head of persecuting religious minorities' were unfilled - though in a very disturbing development we understand that part of the selection process for the post of head of not being gay actually involved repeated viewings of Phil Hellmuth's big entrance...