Wednesday, 7 October 2009

FullFlush Banned From EPT - Our Sandwich Psychologist Speaks

While the news that Poker's Hardman Luke 'FullFlush' Schwartz has been banned from the EPT and Grosvenor Casino chain in the UK for stealing a sandwich may have made headlines on certain other poker news sites... we think that the discerning Melted Felt reader would enjoy something a little more in-depth.

Yes, dear Melted Felt Readers, we have brought in world famous sandwich psychologist Dr S.P Read to tie in the personality traits behind the big poker names choice of bread-based light lunch.

We started by asking Dr Read about Schwartz' choice of a plain cheese and cucumber sandwich on white. "A fascinating selection" began Dr Read, "to me this harkens back to Luke's early days, to the inherent contradiction between his self-image as a hardman and the reality of creeping around at night wearing a hooded top and spraying sh1tty tags on other peoples property" continuing, "had it been cheese with pickle we might have brought in the lack of a role-model in those crucial teen years - something which could explain why he seems to still think 'being tough' is important at 25, a full 10 years after most people stop giving a flying fuck"

Moving on we asked Dr Read about his observations of Annette Obrestad's imaginary sandwich munching during the EPT event, "Well, choosing the fish seemed natural at first - after all Norway have a long sea-faring tradition, when she also chose the ham salad this started to show a more balanced, yet fundamentally insecure aspect of her personality" Dr Read Paused, before continuing " Selecting the cheese and egg, then the salami, chicken tikka, beef and horseradish, then the BLT and finally the 'all-day breakfast in a roll' got me to the post-Freudian desire to control the world by showing tight discipline with both small pocket pairs and bowel movements - it also reminded me that you don't lose that puppy fat by twittering bitchy insults about your fellow players, do we now??"

Finally we asked Dr S.P Read about Daniel Negreanu's made-up selection of free-range goats cheese with organic walnuts and wild rocket salad, the reply was a very simple one - "poof".


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