Monday, 31 October 2011

It's Offical! Hourly Rate For Trick or Treating Now Beats Grinding SNGs

Not so much a tale of spooks and specters today, dear Melted Felt readers, as a cautionary tale of sample sizes, skeletons and projecting hourly rates of today to the far far future based on running good for a couple of hours you fucking donkey... but without the skeletons.

We join Nate, who, after taking his younger siblings Trick or Treating for 3 hours this halloween, totalled up the sweets, treats and goodies and decided that the hourly rate - at some $14.67 - was actually higher than his current $8.19c per hour grinding turbo SNGs online.

Nate then did some sums on the margin of an old Cardplayer magazine, noting that at 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week for 50 weeks a year Trick or Treating could net him a *ahem* tax free take of almost $30k yearly... more than he could possibly earn as a 'corporate slave' and he'd be free at the same time. Nate immediately decided to drop out of college and become a 'Trick or Treat Pro'.

So, the very next day Nate dressed up as an Egyptian Mummy and went out Trick or Treating once more, with a combination of leftover treats and some amused householders he was able to hit $9 an hour, blaming his slightly down take from yesterday run on being skilled - but having below average luck.

The next day saw Nate's take way down, a mere $3 per hour, now our man new he was one of the most naturally skilled Trick or Treaters around... so there must be something going on right? Were householders in this neighborhood now rewarding unskilled new Trick or Treaters - sucking them into the system so that they would lose more later??

Abuse now started to come in as he knocked on doors, but Nate just blamed this on 'the Haters' who simply did not understand that a Trick or Treat grinder was a perfectly good profession - pointing out that, in fact, his Treatscope (TM) graph proved that he was one of the best 'invisible men' on the block and that would play anyone who disagreed heads-up for their entire collection of Twinkies.

As the days rolled by it became more and more obvious that the books, training sites and coaching had simply made Trick or Treating's expected value so wafer thin that it was impossible for even the most talented player to make a living any more. But not to worry dear readers, Nate is already in discussion with some rich poker backers who are believed to be about to shell out to the tune of a brand new count dracula costume - complete with coffin, which will enable Nate to move up to the posher neighborhoods, where people respect his door-knocks.

Good Luck at those doorsteps Nate - we'll follow up soon to find out whether Trick or Treating is really rigged...


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

freakin hilarious....Does said trick or treater know yet the only reason any treaters show a profit is they have recently scored a large bag of dropped (set up) goodies but will grind them away soon enough to join the rest of treaters in the red. Those doorbells are actually doom switches! Said treater should become a treater coach and start an affiliate website. gl

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