Thursday, 15 October 2009

Nits, Donkeys And Fish File Class Action Lawsuit Against 2+2

Legal beagles, eagles and smeagols are rubbing their fat fingers together today, dear Melted Felt readers. The reason? A class action lawsuit filed against 2+2, publishers of gambling books and owners of the worlds biggest and angriest poker forum community.

Citing repeated deformation of character, the suit is being bought by a small sample of the affected creatures including 7 million nits, 37 fresh and saltwater fish and a donkey known as 'Jeffry'. Being critized, abused and flamed every single day by posters old and new on 2+2 was just too much in the end - leading to the legal battle which will see the 7,000,038 individuals claim for more than 55 Million Sklansky dollars in compensation.

We spoke to Irene Davey, a school nit-nurse from the twin cities area, who - after establishing that we had eaten all of our greens, washed behind our ears and were not chewing any gum - gave us the lowdown on the upcoming legal battle.

"Nits are very mis-understood 'lill fellas, " began Irene, shifting a stray roll of belly-fat into a more comfortable position before going on, "while the average infested head can contain up to 63,000,000 of them, they are very much individuals - with their own quirks and cutesy little personality traits," continued Irene "yet day-in day-out the 2+2ers are 'fucking nit-this' 'bastard-fish that'. it was about time someone made a stand - and I don't mean just by posting an upward sloping poker tracker graph either."

We next put it to Jeffry the Donkey that they were using the sheer force of numbers of head-lice to pressure 2+2 into an out of court settlement - rather than let the case become a precident for several hundred billion other nits and countless billions of fish. Well being alledgedly bad at poker was not quite enough here, Jeffry obviously did not understand a single word and carried on contentedly munching a carrot... uncannily similar to what the vast majority of the angry young men posting on 2+2 today will be doing 6 to 9 months after they start their 'poker careers' really...


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