Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Search Begins As Pokerstars Disappears Up Its Own Ass

Shocking is hardly the word, dear Melted Felt readers, to describe the indignation, the fury and the sense of helplessness brought about yesterday as Stars blinded away players in $2 SNGs, froze $5 MTTs and folded hands just about to be cunningly check-raised in cash games.

Yesterday Pokerstars became so big, alledgedly so arrogant and so far detached from the reality of the 'little guys' that it actually completely disappeared up its own asshole... and while Full Tilt enjoyed near-record traffic for a short (and oh so sooo sweet) while, a desperate search and rescue mission was initiated.

Hamsters were equipped with mini-scuba gear, the 'thwack' of latex glove was swiftly followed by the 'pok' of vaselene jars being hurridly opened... x-ray machines came visibly juddering to life, scopes were scoped and sonar imaging tools were carefully finger-tip checked.

No, dear readers, no stool was to left unturned while a statistically unlikely sample of players described to bored loved ones how they just flopped a royal flush before being timed out, paced up and down wondering what non-poker players would do with an evening, and took the opportunity to randomly insult people genuinely asking for help with their game on poker forums.

Fortunately this news item has a happy ending, Stars were fairly quickly retrieved from their own asshole when someone came up with the bright idea of waving a big wad of cash next to the chocolate starfish in question... Even happier news for the Bulgarian, erm, 'computer enthusiast' team who were incredibly the only players not disconnected, Melted Felt would like to personally congratulate you on those 217 tournament victories yesterday.


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