Thursday, 19 November 2009

New UB Brand Demand Everyone Involved Wear Sheep's Clothing

An exclusive again today, dear Melted Felt readers, as we bring you news of a twist to the recently announced rebranding efforts at Ultimate Bet - which is now known by the catchy name of, erm, no, sorry, not that one, we meant '', yes.

Poker players worldwide have very little to hate, and so have loved to hate Ultimate Bet ever since the scandal which affected none of them, or anyone they know, broke back whenever it was. It is now so 'in' to write 'cheating scum' in forums that even people who could not tell you the slightest thing about the scandal, and have never played at UB in their lives make these anti-UB forum posts part of their morning routine - nestled nicely in-between having a shit and making a cup of coffee.

By we have strayed from the scoop... revealed by an internally leaked post-it note in the build up to the big rebrand Ultimate Bet have MANDATED that everyone involved in any capacity wear sheeps clothing, with immediate effect.

This, dear readers, applies equally to the UB pros as anyone else. Phil Hellmuth himself will be donning a romanesque 'Big Ram' costume for a future public appearances, with horns made to look like '11' and really fucking massive shiney black balls protruding from under his tail. Joe Sebok's sheep costume has been themed on the Blue Oyster Bar, and Annie (oh, sweet Annie Annie Annie) Duke had a revealing little lamby number made up - which has currently been sent back for a larger sized replacement.

Customer service now have sheep-ear headphone sets and have been advised to 'baaaaaa' down the phone if anyone asks about the cheating scandal. Not forgetting the players or course, who will each be sent a sheep-mask to play with at the tables under different names than the forum Ids they use to critisize the site... your masks have already been paid for by losing a hand you would otherwise have won ;o)

We asked a UB spokesman for comment, however he pointed to the right, shouted "Look! Puppies!" and then ran off at high speed. Ah well, at least we'll know that any wolves found in UB's sheep's clothing can not be anything like as bad as actually finding the people involved in the site.


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