Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Poker Software Review - Tournament Bust Auto-Hater (TM)

Something different today, Dear Melted Felt readers, as we bring you a review of a new poker software tool which could revolutionise your life! We review the new software from the people who brought you the 'Auto-Min-Raise-Machine', the "SNG-Spite-Calling-Engine" and the "Omaha-Aces-Only-Auto-Raiser"... Yes the Tournament Bust Auto Hate Machine is available for immediate download for just $99.

Overview of the 'Tournament Bust Auto Hate Machine's Functions

This tool could save you hours over the course of an average week of playing low level multi-table tournaments online, by saving you the time and effort involved in berating the fucking fish who busted you. By automating the task of typing insults into the chat box, following them from table to table and giving them a thorough lecture on exactly how playing this way will lose money in the long run you'll be free to play other games effectively, spew venom onto new players asking innocent enough but basic questions in popular forums poker forums or - wait for it - even go to a bar*

* Assumes you are one of the 2.37% of online poker players who actually have a life.

But that, as they say, is not all - just take a look at the list of great bonus benefits below and you'll be reaching for your credit card before you can say, "I'm thinking of dropping out of college and becoming an online poker pro".

** International Options, The Tournament-Bust-Auto-Hater is capable of reading the location of whoever busted you and adapting insults to cause maximum distress. US readers note that simply ticking a box in the settings ensures this works in the US or Canada / Euro / Rest of the Word mode which is more familiar to you.

** Stats, this great feature kicks in after 5 minutes of great auto-insulting, the Tournament-Auto-Bust Hater will automatically look up the stats of your opponent on various databases, find the least flattering and repeatedly type these into the chat box. If all the stats are positive the system simply looks back to the international option and doubles the country-specific insults.

** Auto Hand Reading 'LOLs', finally the genius of the programmers has developed an extra-special feature. When your opponent loses a pot after busting you the tool will auto-post 'lol', 'fucking retard' and 'well played' in random sequence... guaranteed to cause minor irritation to even the most stoic of opponents.

Buy Yours Now!


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Littleacornman said...

I don't normally chat at all at the tables but all that will change when your new software arrives.No worries about having a life here.I'll be trying it out the moment it arrives!

Kaus said...

That was awesome ...better than any "standard" poker review I've read..and stumbled for ya ;)

Mark said...

Thanks Kaus / Acorn - for the record I have no life either... just gets so confusing with half my friends telling me to get out more, and the other half telling me to stay the hell in.... hmmmm


Anonymous said...

I'm not sure a bot will ether be able to insult and abuse at the same level of a human player as it would lack that creative element.

Still very good Sir, tickled one’s funny bone.

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