Sunday, 29 November 2009

UIGEA Delay - Industry Reactions

US Poker players last night gave thanks to the Congressmen of Kentucky, for doing what the cash-hungry supporters of the poker industry have failed to do for years... namely, erm, well, anything at all really.

As a simple case of an *ahem* influential member of the Kentucky *ahem* business elite having his mastercard declined when trying to bet on a 'sure thing' in the 15:30 at Churchill Downs caused the date for the UIGEA regs to move to June 1st... we collected together the reactions of some interested parties from the completely ineffective for years poker lobby.

We started with John Puppus, imaginary head of a poker organisation which coincidentally shares the same initials as the PPA... "Well, fvck me" began John, "Fvck me fvcking sideways" he continued, with a kind of happy-but-distant expression on his face, "Well knock me down with a fvcking feather, fvckety fuck fvck". We then pressed him on the PPA's next plans, but unfortunately by this time he was busy trying to explain how a 'cvunting miracle' had happened to a passing Mexican taxi driver.

Unperturbed, we called the office of Frankey Barn, the man behind a million bills and chairman of the 'Your Choice Of Bills Into Law from only $5000 Committee".... "This is a great day for Bridge Players of all policitcal denominations" began Frank, so we pointed out that Bridge was not what we were enquiring after, "the members of credit unions will remember the extra protection this bill has given them when we next go to the polls", ah, we asked for comment concerning online poker and were assured that for just $25k a bill of our choice would be numbered, given a fancy sounding name and then shot down by religeous zealots in 2010.

Disappointed,we instead spoke to Nate, a 21 year old rakeback-enabled pro grinder who was a vocal supporter on message boards of the rights of every American to do with their money as they wish... including playing online poker. Nate was positive that this was a first step towards a regulated and fully governed system which had protection built in for both professionals and for problem gamblers alike. We then asked Nate whether he had considered the fact that his legitimately earned income would then be subject to taxation.... at which point he went slightly green, stared blankly at us for a couple of seconds and then fainted.

Ah well,


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