Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Full Tilt Doubles Week Announced

A post that always seems to be struggling to hit the double-eight to finish, dear Melted Felt readers, as we bring you news that Full Tilt Poker are adding the same again to what was already there, or something.

Yes, from the 25th of Jan all of the tournament guarantees will be doubled! Players all over the world are rubbing their fat little hands together in anticipation of those magic 'overlays' which is the free money gap between the buy-in total and the guarantee.

We duly sent the one and only Melted Felt Mole off to do a full investigation, and (lo and behold!) it turns out that several other things are being doubled that week too...

* Exactly twice as many people are predicted to win 3 coin flips in a row, go deep in a tournament with the chips thus gained, then lose a coin flip before complaining that they can never win coin-flips in tournaments.

* Two times the number of tournament players will blind away in the middle stages waiting for a strong hand, finally get aces, mini-reraise with them and see everyone insta-fold - before going back to blinding away, getting so desparate that they are forced to shove any 2, then berate the guy in the blind who called getting > 2/1 and won the race.

* Insults will be doubled too, annoying teenagers who have little or no experience of adult social interactions due to dropping out of college to spend their lives grinding in a darkened room will no longer be insulting your mother when you crack their monster... it'll be your granny next week!

* Cash Games will get twice as hard, as the only 2 fish left at $1 / $2 will decide to play tournaments for a week instead, leaving the regs to spend the entire week looking up each others stats while grinding 16 tables masturbating to Cardrunners videos.

* Howard Lederer will be alledgedly laughing twice as heartily at any lawsuits claiming 1% of his company, while he counts and re-counts his big big piles of cash.

Well, can't stop here, we are off to see if the Stars fields are reduced by enough to make any overlays... naaa, silly question.


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